What is a week?
I spent most of the night in a dimly lit bar tapping my feet to The Ramones and Johnny Cash explaining how this had been such a tremendously long week. Now sitting here in front of my computer it seems like itapos;s all been a lesson in how short a week can be. That makes sense in a way, because at this point I finally know that the party is over and experiences always seem shorter from the other side of them. Iapos;m not being all sad bastard about it either, I know there will be other parties, and less substantial but still good times in between. I feel exhausted and rejuvenated at once and like I could write a lengthy essay just connecting dots that found their way into my life this week.
Though if Iapos;m honest, I guess there is a kind of sadness setting in. Time is relative as they say which is I guess why Iapos;m not sad about leaving folks I see several times a year. Several times a year may not be very often after all, but itapos;s several times more a year than a lot of my friends and family see me. Then on the other hand thereapos;s at least one person who in all likelihood I wonapos;t see for at least a year, and I miss them already and there is a tinge of sadness to that idea, a sadness that I donapos;t feel in relation to friends and family I see even less often.
Strangeness abounds.
I remarked tonight that last year was about me learning to be social, and that this year was about me being the guy I was learning to be then. I feel like Iapos;m in a state of inbetweeness there. I feel found and lost at turns. This week I often caught myself mirroring inflections and mannerisms of folks I was hanging out with, and thatapos;s the surest compliment I can pay a person; because thatapos;s me subconsciously integrating the parts of you all that were teaching me about who I really am. I canapos;t speak for the event, but my being there was about my other tomorrow, after a year spent battling for my past, this week had me firmly standing in the future. Itapos;s a nice direction to be in. Not all of it was change...there were also quiet moments where I realized in the ways I was like someone, or the way their body spoke when I was around that there is a lot about me already who is already who Iapos;m meant to be.
I know itapos;s totally corn ball, but fuck I really wish I could just gather up some of you and road trip endlessly. And if I do sound too serious or sentimental, letapos;s just agree to blame it on a weekapos;s worth of heavy drinking, drug taking, and sleep deprivation finally catching up to me. I wish I was in a position right now to quit my job and spend at least the next year couch surfing, writing, and of course collaborating with you all. Certainly..itapos;s quickly becoming a priority, I think I was made to be nomadic.
And I guess thatapos;s as good a place as any to stop for now. Time to catch up on some much needed sleep.
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